Thursday, May 2, 2013

Remember That Time ~ Link Up


 Because doing link ups is easier than writing my own post, and I'm home sick today with a sinus infection. fun stuff!

 Here we go:

Remember that one time, my brother lent me his plasma screen TV. I was watching my nephew and my two boys and they came to me and said that the TV wasn't working, that someone had thrown something at it. (Plasma TV's are very delicate and cannot be hit with anything otherwise the plasma leaks out and the TV is broke). I didn't know who did it. My dad then went out and bought us a beautiful 3D plasma TV, 55'', all the bells and whistles, the $100 HD cord, the 3D DVD player, the $100 glasses x4, you name it. Plus a 5yr warranty. No less than 5 months later, Austin comes to me and says Abram threw a battery at the TV
(in his defense, he said he was throwing it at a bad guy on the TV). Mother Fucker. So we replaced it with the same one. And guess what? That was in January and the TV is still sitting in its box in the corner of the living room until someone matures a bit more and learns not to throw things at TVs.
Yes, he is adorable. But don't turn your back on him... he kills. Mostly TVs though. Your children are still safe.
Remember that one time, My husband said he was going to get a bird dog. You know a lab that will go retrieve the ducks he shoots while hunting. His friends' wife helps with a local shelter and had a black "lab" and wanted to know if we wanted him. I specifically remember my response being "Do we have to take him if we don't want him?". I HATE DOGS. But we got there and it was a cute big puppy and we just kinda took him home no questions asked. I don't think I'm the only woman who thinks puppies are cute, okay. Who wouldn't want to take a puppy home? So remember we took the dog hunting? And he's fucking afraid of the water... and the fucking shotgun blasts. So now we have a dog who serves no purpose. And remember how I HATE DOGS?? My husband wanted to call the dog Twitty. Umm Fuck No, am I calling anything "Twitty". How about Conway? Cool. Who walks the dog? Who feeds the dog? Who lets the dog out? (Woof Woof) I FUCKING DO!!!! Why the fuck do we have a dog I hate but have to take care of anyways?? Moving on...
And guess what?? He's not even a fucking lab! HA

Remember the time, I was busy in the backyard  and Adam answered the front door to someone selling Home Security Systems. He brought him to me and told me to tell the guy about the system we already have, while he was nonchalantly winking at me because we didn't have a damn system my neighbor just gave me a sign to put in my yard. So here I look like an idiot "no I don't know where the current panel is" "no I don't know how much i pay" "No I haven't seen any cameras or door sensors" "Oh we don't currently have a system? Okay then" I could of fucking told you that had my husband not lied to you then brought you inside anyways. So we signed up for the fricken system. It's not the worst $54 I spend a month.

Remember the few times, I was trying to get used to this alarm system and would forget to set the motion sensor AND forget to put the dog in his kennel on the same fucking day? Yeah I wish I could forget too. I remember how the damn dog scratched the shit out of my brand new wooden table and clawed the crap out of my $1,000 leather couch, and chewed up a brand new Thirty One bag my mom had just bought Austin, and chewed holes in the pillows of the other couch, and chewed the edges of my wooden stairs. I also remember setting the motion alarm but FORGETTING to put the dog away so that when he sets the motion alarm off, the police come. Do that 3 times and watch your ass get fined $50. no joke.

Remember that one time, my husband said "Let's get a tortoise" and I said "Shit, why not get two?" Why Karyn, Why?? Who takes care of these bastards? That's right. I do. But I DON'T change their bedding. No sirree. Adam does that :) 
Oogway (from some Disney movie, Kung Fu Panda maybe?) and Sasha (a Russian whore, these tortoises are Russian)

Remember that one time, my kids found a dead squirrel and I let them play with it?

I kid.I kid.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Squat Challenge ~ Skinny Meg Link Up

This is what I will be doing this month. Why? Because I have hundreds of dollars worth of Vickis bikinis that I've never worn, a Destin FL beach vacation in 44 days, and I want my ass to look like that. Granted she probably didn't get that ass from squats. I was gifted with an ass and no boobies, so I gotta make due with what I got. Plus my husband is an ass man : )
On top of the squat challenge, I'm "training" for the Pretty Muddy 5K. I say training because I have never ran a race before. So lately I've been running 5K's as my cardio. When I do it on the treadmill, I can run between 5.6-5.8 mph and bust it out in about 36 minutes. But when I take it to the streets, I'm barely "running" at 5mph. WTF is up with that?
When I go to the gym, I'll do the cardio and then I use an app on my iPhone called "Body Fate" for the weights portion. You type in what equipment you have available and how long you want to work out. It gives you moves back to back (allows you to take breaks and skip a few moves) I like this because it takes the guess work out of figuring out what to do.