Wednesday, June 5, 2013

It Works! ~ Or Does It??

Sooooo we all have a trouble area, right? Mine is my tummy, my thighs, my calves, my arm fat, yada yada yada... When mama gains weight, I gain it all over... Nice and even like. Which I actually don't mind, I find that better than having any one body area stick out in particular so people don't find it necessary to stare like I have a third arm or some shit. No really though, I'm happy with my arms, my legs are looking good, not much I can do about my damned calves, so really my only "i cant wear a bikini" issue right now is my stomach. My upper stomach looks fine, but I have a pooch of fat at bottom that makes me look 5 months pregnant. Not fucking cool. People could think "oh look at that cute pregnant girl whose confidence is so high she's wearing a bikini" except when I sit down I get the Beyonce squishy belly. 
So what's a girl to do when she's T-9 days till the beach is here and my stomach isn't where I'd like it to be??? Well a quick fix of course! And my quick fix is the It Works! Body applicator. 

Basically, you wash and dry any area south of your neck, wrap this applicator on and wrap with plastic wrap or something equally as tight and wait 45 minutes. You discard the wrap and rub in the left over lotion. Take before and after photos and measurements and take a photo 72 hours later. Oh and drink a crap ton of water too.

So I did this last night:
Before waist 36 3/4"
After waist 35 1/2"

I took two other measurements, one right under my chest and one lower on my tummy, but the differences were so little I don't remember them. 

Here's the cold, hard, photos

I don't see a damn bit of difference, you!?

Monday, June 3, 2013

AdvoCare 10 Day Cleanse

Hello again to all my friends, I'm glad you came to play. That fucking dinosaur's song is stuck in my head, but here's what I'd like to say :)

My Florida trip to Destin is in 12 days and is going to look something like this
And also a little like this

(all these photos are courtesy of Google, isn't this a law or something?)
While my boys do a little of this

But unfortunately, my scale this morning said this

So today I will be starting this
This is the second time I've done the cleanse. There really is nothing to it, you drink a fiber drink in the AM, and pop a few pills throughout the day, eat healthy, workout, and wam bam, you lose some weight (or not). Last time I lost 5 lbs and I'm hoping for the same results this time.
The first time I did the cleanse, I had the citrus fiber drink and let me tell you, it tasted like busted ass. I was worried the Peaches n Crème would be the same, but hot damn, it was actually good! It tastes identical to peaches n crème oatmeal. It was like I was drinking some damned oatmeal! Umm... why do they even offer the shit one, when you can get peaches n fricken crème??
I'm going to bust my butt at the gym, do the cleanse and well see how I look after 12 days. In all so far I've already lost 24lbs. I'm okay with how I look in a two piece. It is what it is. As long as I don't look worse than I do now, its a win! This is my family's first family vacation and its to the beach, so I'd like to be able to look back on photos and not cringe :/
Anybody ever been to Destin? What did you do there? We are planning to go the beach obviously, our condo is right on it. We are going to let the boys deep sea fish while we go to the spa. We want to see a swamp tour, and we are also celebrating two birthday, father's day, and my husbands graduation :) Lucky for us we'll be there for 6 days!


Saturday, June 1, 2013

Pretty Muddy

Ran/walked our first 5K today... The Pretty Muddy all women's mud run at Skyline Ranch in Dallas.

Sarah and I

I got to meet SkinnyMeg & Mama Laughlin, who are really Megan and Brandi, they were really sweet. I signed up for this in the first place because of Megan posting about it on her blog. They were both really nice, down to earth and just seemed like good girlfriends! For none of us really knowing each other, they made us feel like a team. Even though I'm sure they could have run faster, they kept pace with all of us and waited for the whole team to catch up before crossing the finish line. We had about five minutes waiting for some of the group and Megan got us doing drills, burpees, and squats :) 

The course was okay. It definitely didn't feel like 3.1 miles. The obstacles weren't hard, but the terrain was crap! Very uneven, lots of rocks and hills. I'm surprised I didn't sprain my ankle! 

It was cloudy all morning and wouldn't you fucking know it, right as our wave started the clouds disappeared and the sun came out. After drinking last night and only two hours of sleep, the sun was making me feel sick. Right when I wanted to throw up or pass out, a glorious stream became the route we had to take and I laid down in that mother fucker. It felt so good and cooled me off, just what I needed! 

I liked the obstacles, the 5K was a piece of cake, but I don't see anymore mud runs in my future.  The mud didn't add anything to the run for me, except dirtiness. Nothing like rubbing sweat out if your eyes with a handful of mud! 

All cleaned up and ready to go home 

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Remember That Time ~ Link Up


 Because doing link ups is easier than writing my own post, and I'm home sick today with a sinus infection. fun stuff!

 Here we go:

Remember that one time, my brother lent me his plasma screen TV. I was watching my nephew and my two boys and they came to me and said that the TV wasn't working, that someone had thrown something at it. (Plasma TV's are very delicate and cannot be hit with anything otherwise the plasma leaks out and the TV is broke). I didn't know who did it. My dad then went out and bought us a beautiful 3D plasma TV, 55'', all the bells and whistles, the $100 HD cord, the 3D DVD player, the $100 glasses x4, you name it. Plus a 5yr warranty. No less than 5 months later, Austin comes to me and says Abram threw a battery at the TV
(in his defense, he said he was throwing it at a bad guy on the TV). Mother Fucker. So we replaced it with the same one. And guess what? That was in January and the TV is still sitting in its box in the corner of the living room until someone matures a bit more and learns not to throw things at TVs.
Yes, he is adorable. But don't turn your back on him... he kills. Mostly TVs though. Your children are still safe.
Remember that one time, My husband said he was going to get a bird dog. You know a lab that will go retrieve the ducks he shoots while hunting. His friends' wife helps with a local shelter and had a black "lab" and wanted to know if we wanted him. I specifically remember my response being "Do we have to take him if we don't want him?". I HATE DOGS. But we got there and it was a cute big puppy and we just kinda took him home no questions asked. I don't think I'm the only woman who thinks puppies are cute, okay. Who wouldn't want to take a puppy home? So remember we took the dog hunting? And he's fucking afraid of the water... and the fucking shotgun blasts. So now we have a dog who serves no purpose. And remember how I HATE DOGS?? My husband wanted to call the dog Twitty. Umm Fuck No, am I calling anything "Twitty". How about Conway? Cool. Who walks the dog? Who feeds the dog? Who lets the dog out? (Woof Woof) I FUCKING DO!!!! Why the fuck do we have a dog I hate but have to take care of anyways?? Moving on...
And guess what?? He's not even a fucking lab! HA

Remember the time, I was busy in the backyard  and Adam answered the front door to someone selling Home Security Systems. He brought him to me and told me to tell the guy about the system we already have, while he was nonchalantly winking at me because we didn't have a damn system my neighbor just gave me a sign to put in my yard. So here I look like an idiot "no I don't know where the current panel is" "no I don't know how much i pay" "No I haven't seen any cameras or door sensors" "Oh we don't currently have a system? Okay then" I could of fucking told you that had my husband not lied to you then brought you inside anyways. So we signed up for the fricken system. It's not the worst $54 I spend a month.

Remember the few times, I was trying to get used to this alarm system and would forget to set the motion sensor AND forget to put the dog in his kennel on the same fucking day? Yeah I wish I could forget too. I remember how the damn dog scratched the shit out of my brand new wooden table and clawed the crap out of my $1,000 leather couch, and chewed up a brand new Thirty One bag my mom had just bought Austin, and chewed holes in the pillows of the other couch, and chewed the edges of my wooden stairs. I also remember setting the motion alarm but FORGETTING to put the dog away so that when he sets the motion alarm off, the police come. Do that 3 times and watch your ass get fined $50. no joke.

Remember that one time, my husband said "Let's get a tortoise" and I said "Shit, why not get two?" Why Karyn, Why?? Who takes care of these bastards? That's right. I do. But I DON'T change their bedding. No sirree. Adam does that :) 
Oogway (from some Disney movie, Kung Fu Panda maybe?) and Sasha (a Russian whore, these tortoises are Russian)

Remember that one time, my kids found a dead squirrel and I let them play with it?

I kid.I kid.

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

The Squat Challenge ~ Skinny Meg Link Up

This is what I will be doing this month. Why? Because I have hundreds of dollars worth of Vickis bikinis that I've never worn, a Destin FL beach vacation in 44 days, and I want my ass to look like that. Granted she probably didn't get that ass from squats. I was gifted with an ass and no boobies, so I gotta make due with what I got. Plus my husband is an ass man : )
On top of the squat challenge, I'm "training" for the Pretty Muddy 5K. I say training because I have never ran a race before. So lately I've been running 5K's as my cardio. When I do it on the treadmill, I can run between 5.6-5.8 mph and bust it out in about 36 minutes. But when I take it to the streets, I'm barely "running" at 5mph. WTF is up with that?
When I go to the gym, I'll do the cardio and then I use an app on my iPhone called "Body Fate" for the weights portion. You type in what equipment you have available and how long you want to work out. It gives you moves back to back (allows you to take breaks and skip a few moves) I like this because it takes the guess work out of figuring out what to do.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Celebrate Your True Beauty ~ Link Up

Linking up with some ladies today
 because its easier than writing a post I've had in my head for days but am too lazy to finish 
I'm seriously horrible at this blogging business.
Three things about myself I think are beautiful or awesome 

  1. My hair ~ WHEN I actually blow dry it and curl the ends. It really is beautiful. Long, thick, shiny, healthy hair. That's probably the thing I get complimented on the most.
  2. I'm a pretty damned good wife ~ If I was a man, I'd wife me :)
  3. If I had to be completely honest ~ I think I am beautiful. I am not saying I have a great body. But when I put on make-up and do my hair, and look in the mirror. I pretty fucking please with what I see.
That being said. I am not photogenic... like at all. EVER. I don't do selfies (except for transformation purposes) and since I am the photo taker in my family there are not that many photos of me. Though lately, as my kids are growing, I have been taking more selfies of me with one or both of my kids. I want to be able to look back and have pictures of us together. 

Friday, April 19, 2013

Aledo Ride for Heroes

This is what I am doing tomorrow.
My dad started riding bikes about a year ago to lose weight. Once he was down to a normal size, he started to enjoy bike riding, and really getting into the sport of it. Last summer, I rode with him some. I really enjoy riding bikes outside when it is beautiful. In January when I set out to lose weight, I decided to start riding with Dad again, once a week on Saturdays.
Dad eventually graduated from a hybrid road/mountain bike to a really nice (Moots) road bike. Once he had a taste of the road bike, he decided I needed one too, so he bought me a road bike. Once we both had road bikes, he decided we were ready to start training for some long distance bike rides.
He had bigger plans than I did. Ultimately he wanted to ride the last leg a the PBP 900 bike ride in France, in 2015. He also wanted to ride the RAGBRAI, a six day ride across the state of Iowa. We literally were talking about doing this the day before he died. We had decided we'd wait until next year so we could build up to riding 50-80 miles a day. Thanks for fucking that up pops ;)
There were four smaller long distance bike rides we were talking about doing this summer together.
We only registered for the Aledo Ride for Heroes before he died... less than one month before the ride. So naturally I still felt like I had to do the ride. Luckily my brother Jared can ride with me. We are doing the 64 mile ride and praying for beautiful weather, no wind, and a nice tan :) This broke girl can't afford the tanning bed and I don't want to be pasty white in 55 days when I go to Destin, thankyouverymuch!
Dad, Mom & Jared
I went ahead and signed up for the Possum Pedal. My family loves going out to Possum Kingdom lake and I figured we could go camp out, I could do the ride, then we could rent a boat and have some fun on the lake.
I'm still up in the air about whether to sign up for the last two rides. Jared doesn't mind riding, but I know he's hella busy and it doesn't really fit in his schedule. And as much as I enjoy riding, its not the same without my dad there. In fact it's really fucking boring by myself.
Anybody in the DFW area wanna come ride some rides with me??? Its really cheap!