About Me

I'm awesome. The end. No really my husband says I can fuck up a wet dream, so I'm not really all that awesome... Anymore. I used to be before I got married and had kids. Sigh...

People's "about me" sections are always so short and boring, I'm left thinking "wait, who the fuck are you, cause I still don't know." So be forwarned, this shit's gonna be long.

 I was born in CA, raised in Detroit and moved to Texas when I was 11. I love it here, we live near Dallas so anything I want to do, I don't have to go far.

When I was a teen, I really had my shit together. I was always doing the right thing, with the right people at the right time. In as much as I knew it all, I dropped out of high school at 16 and got my GED behind my parents back when I was 17 cause those silly parents actually gave me a curphew and for the life of me, as I type this, I can't imagine why that would have stopped me from doing anything. Got my GED in the bag, had a few party years and ended up pregnant... womp womp. That spoiled the fun right there, let me tell you. I had Austin in 2006 when I was 20 and immediately moved in with my parents and took advantage of government assistance, meaning my ass went to college on Uncle Sam's dime.

I met my husband, Adam, when Austin was 6mos old and married him three months later. Don't ask me why, I think I was trying to find a baby daddy following in my parent footsteps. They did the same thing, only they waited 5 weeks. But they've been married over 30 years so I'm reaching the same goal here, folks. My reason to Adam at the time was I was tired of having premarital sex. Did you just piss yourself?  Maybe I was just tired of the 3X a day sex. Either way, I'm sure there's some fucked up reason in the back of my head that I wanted to marry him, that I still don't understand.

Fast forward 2 1/2 years and we welcomed demon spawn Abram into the world. Ahhh I could kill my husband for ever giving his mother a hard time, because I'm paying for it now. Thanks, doll!

In 2010 I graduated Texas Women's University with a Bachelor's degree in Dietetics and Institutional Administration. I wanted to be a Dietitian. But after living with my parents for almost five years, I wanted to move out even worse. I immediately got a shit job at the local hospital making less than what my daycare costs were and started looking for a house. Found a cute little place not far from my family, because as much as I can't stand them sometimes, they are my babysitters! No in all honesty, I love my family dearly and wouldn’t ever want to live too far from them.

So here I am, I've been married almost 7 years, I have a 7 year old and a 4 1/2 year old, a mortgage, too much credit card debt and I'm carrying around 40 extra pounds. I'm living the dream... or nightmare, whichever.

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